Mama’s Guilt

About a month back, I had this emo moment that made me want to write this entry but time was just not on my side.

It was night and Emilee had just fallen asleep. As I lay in the cool darkness of her room, scrolling through my Facebook and Instagram feeds, I couldn’t help but feel a tinge of sadness whenever I came across pictures of my friends’ kids. Those thick thighs and arms. Emilee never had them. While I am not a big fan of Michelin thighs, it didn’t mean that I wanted my baby to be so lean and small. It did not help that people would gush about another baby’s “well-fed” thick thighs and arms.

Was never a Michelin baby.

What did I do wrong? As much as I told myself and others that it doesn’t matter if she’s small, she’s active and healthy, I couldn’t help but feel guilty every time someone guessed her age wrongly. I remember trying to up her feeds so she would put on some weight. Why is everyone else’s kid growing so big while mine is so lean?

Emilee one month ago.

The guilt is real. I guess my point is all mamas will experience this guilt some point in their life for whatever reason.

On the contrary, today I look at my girl and I think to myself, wow, she has put on quite some weight. Her face is definitely rounder.

Emilee now.

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